WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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