Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
