thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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