if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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