So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
