Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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