no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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