Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
