i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
