eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
