I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
