I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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