Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
