I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
