When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think people are normalizing furries
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
