I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
