Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the day after is always just damage control
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
