my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
