areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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