You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
even my farts smell like vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
