Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
