alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
