she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
