wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
