i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize