We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
