I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
