i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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