so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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