I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
