So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
