I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't deserve a penis
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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