I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
