You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
