Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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