And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
