hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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