I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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