Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
