I think I died a long time ago.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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