About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
