After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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