omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
