You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize