i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
