this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
