I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
