i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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