Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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