So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
