Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
