my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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