I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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