Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize