I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
