I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize