and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
