I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
