pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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