She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
