I am in a vortex of obligation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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