I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
