You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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