i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
