I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
