Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
