I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
