I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
