I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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